Covid-19 · Fostering · Parenting · Uncategorized

Breakthrough

We were done! Tired! Frustrated!

Feeling betrayed and disrespected.

I had reminded myself that behaviours are symptoms so many times I was having a hard time believing it.

I can know that they are dealing with stress. I can know that they are feeling overwhelmed. I can know that they are wrestling with who they are and how they want to live. I can know all these things and still feel angry… mistreated… done!

Being a foster parent means being a professional parent. Choosing to use all the skills you’ve learned and all the tools in your toolbox to provide a safe place for a hurting kid. On paper we want to be that family. In reality it’s hard.

It’s hard to be a teen in foster care in the midst of global pandemic! It’s hard to be a teen with a learning disability and an ADHD diagnosis in a disrupted school setting. It’s hard to know that there are expectations you have of yourself, and others have of you, that are constantly being disappointed.

It’s hard to be a foster parent of teens in the midst of a global pandemic! It’s hard to parent a teen who is just discovering they have a learning disability and ADHD. It’s hard to know that your expectations of yourself are unrealistic and your expectations of your teens are likely to be disappointed… again.

The older I get the more I realize how little I know!! All the things I have learned are just a drop in the bucket. Everyday I run into new things that I have no idea how to navigate! Continuing to be open to learning is exhausting.

There is a broken world out there that I have been sheltered from most of my life. There is more pain and suffering than I ever wanted to know about. I have had a family that has always been a refuge from the storm for me. It still is.

I think everyone deserves a place where they are loved no matter what! Where they can express their pain without judgement. Where they can show their ugliness and their flaws and still be loved. It looks good on paper but the reality is messy.

But just when you think you are going to have to admit defeat and step out of your role… there is a breakthrough.

The pressure becomes too much and the cracks start to show… and we have the opportunity to be a family that is a safe haven.

You don’t have to have it all together to come into this safety. You don’t have to be kind, or polite or considerate… those things come later. When you need it, you can run in as you are… brokenness, anger, snot and all.

It’s hard. We don’t do it perfectly. I don’t know how many more times we can do it. But we made it through one more time.

It’s the kind of family we want to be.

In the midst of the mess

Marny

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